.. as much as i love cheese....

the cheese council of canada... or whoever the demi-gods of cheddar are in this country... they may have just made cheese even better with their new website

...fuck, i think baudrillard may be right...

That dude used to really piss me off.... Back when i was in school and smart enough to understand simulacra and simulation and getting mad at french philosophers was still something I did...

... and the thing is … on occasion, he still makes me mad...

It doesn't come up a whole lot... but occasionally i will see something and my knee jerk reaction is to blame Jean Baudrillard. It’s weird, i'll admit, but it happens.. and when I try to explain it I generally get some weird looks… I try and just say that… basically, Baudrillard is the guy whose ideas they based the Matrix on…

But I am really thinking that Baudrillard is having a big laugh… because his ideas being inspiration for anyone would be the exact punch line to his big joke…

Baudrillard was your basic shit disturber. He built on everything McLuhan said (you know, that guy from the heritage /canada commercials). And whatever positive, stoic, utilitarian, ‘best foot forward’ Canadian way McLuhan saw things... Baudrillard imprinted his smoky, Les Miserables, gauloise smoking stank on it...

McLuhan saw all technology and communication evolving as a way to extend the human body, which allows increased interaction with original meaning, all with the aim of more fully understanding the world around us. Baudrillard, on the other hand, says that everything we have created ... from cave drawings to the iphone all removes us one more step from original meaning.... 

... And Baudrillard gets much sunnier after that saying that, basically, there's really no point in even trying to understand the world you live in...  that everything is a copy of a copy of a copy, and all that xeroxing has really left nothing thats legible... and the only reason why we aren't outraged by the whole thing is because all the copying left us dumb enough not to be bothered much.... We don't really feel or think anymore, because we never really had any idea what feeling or thinking felt like... seeing as how we were learning from these really smudgy illegible copies.... He really was a real drag... 

And he admitted to not really believing this dystopian a view could ever grow into a  wasteland that could have inspired the Matrix… but he was just stretching out a possibility…. A possibility that also servied to torture me for eight months in my last year at university, in 501A –Theories in Spectatorship Thesis… (that’s eight months, 24 books and one-fifty page paper worth 100%)… I spent that eight months wanting to walk up to Baudrillard and pinch him... ask him if he felt that... bitch…

... It all sort of went away about four months after graduation. Several cottage parties later and week into my first "real" job i realized no one actually cared what Baudrillard said and that he was be nowhere to be found in my day-to-day life... even after i had spent so many of those thesis pages trying to dissprove him...

That is… except for when some trivial pursuit-esque fact or story reminds me that Baudrillard may actually know what he was talking about...

Like tonight,  I read that Kurt Sutter (who wrote for the Shield and created my fave new tv series Sons of Anarchy) just wrote a script for a film which – if its made - will be called The Unforgettable... and this movie, if you are to believe the imdb.com boards (and one ALWAYS should, those movie nerds know everything) is based on a PSP game which cites as its influences movies like Se7en and Silence of the Lambs... and that can go back further and further....

And all of a sudden I feel myself hating Baudrillard…

 

Obviously, it would be way more cheerful if one were to ultimately live in McLuhan’s World…. It makes the world a much brighter place - a hybrid car,  terry fox run, lifesaving surgery kind of  world… If Baudrillard reigns you may as well tune in, turn on,,, turn off… nothings gonna get any better, better just ignore it as it gets worse… or get mad about it.

In life, it is these small moments that make me wonder whether ultimately I am a Baudrillard or a McLuhan… seems stupid, but everyone makes those decisions qbout which path they are taking, over and over, every day… even if they don’t think so.

Put it this way... are you going to see The Unforgettable?

 

See if people would just take the time to listen to me it would all make sense… but really, only to me and I think, in the long run, it would be easier if just stop using the word Baudrillard in public... 

... scary...

I am on my way to the bank to seek out the advice of a financial consultant.... First time ever... and thats one student loan and several credit cards into my financial devastation....

yeah, I suck with money... its no secret...

So I am super scared... but I must power through, especially if this is to be mine one day

I love the Argyle... and its always been my dream to live there... and have built in bookshelves, floor-to-ceiling, filled with fun art and design books that are totally pointless beyond the pure pleasure of looking at the pretty pictures.

But to get there I have to be able to pay off my damn loan... so its off to the bank for me... damn you dollars...

besides.. i am sick of thinking that this commercial applies to me...

and i have started thinking that a russell oliver loan may just be a viable solution....

... make it an 80s christmas

with betamaxmas.com



Seriously the most awesome of the most radically stellar holiday websites...

I miss my beta... and all the shows that went with it... I had the whole Rocket Robin Hood series taped, with like-era commercials....

... a new post to combat boredom and spread the creepy....

...yeah, that's right... I am posting again... what of it...

I spent the morning trying to find the name of this sculptor whose work i saw on display at the new contemporary galleries as the transformed AGO...

I even got the few remaining drones at TIFFG this holiday season in on the party... Dave and Meg and I spent an hour entering google searches with combinations of

"face" "sculpture" "silicone" "creepy" "mashed up" "toronto" "Art Gallery of Ontario" "contemporary" "stretchy" and "squishy"....

and finally we landed on Even Penny...


I cannot describe to you the sensation of eerie creepus-maximusness that grabs hold when you view his works... The one in the AGO is like the one at left... a normal face, just elongated... please, do not attempt to adjust your screen, it is actually just stretched out like that, but in every other way an exact replica of a human face... each hair is real and individually added, each pore is porously there, the lips, the nexk, the everything is real...

... and the face is about 6ft tall, and just staring at you... and you keep thinking he's gonna open his mouth and ask you what the fuck it is you think you are looking at.... it's a total head trip, mindfuck....

... and Evan Penny, a Toronto-based artist, does lots of them... different distortions, angular views, human backs.. its freaking creepy. My current favourite is the project he did with Michael Awad, another favourite local artist of mine




Freaky freaky y'all.... sweet dreams

...celebrity stockings....

the celebrity stockings are up at Shedoesthecity.com .... that site i write for....

the only one that I have done that has gone up so far is for Ellen Page...

...but i also did Tom Selleck and Uncle Jesse from Full House... so look out for those too.

... iam so bored....

the office is empty and i have nothing to do...

Well, I should really be logging the footage for the doc i am associate producing... but i am headed to a screening of Benjamin Button after work, and have found out the hard way they really don't like when you bring a laptop to press screenings...

so its just me in the office with my desktop and hours to kill....

any suggestions of good timewasting sites are welcome

...Rives...

Last time I was in New York visiting Jonna we went to the cast and crew preview screening of Ironic Iconic... an absurd trip across america, visiting the icons and landmarks that make it what it truly is....

... It was then that I met Rives, who is a host at the TED conference... and my new crush... My love of absurdist trivia and factoids is exactly what makes me love Trivial so much (and makes me so damn good at it)... and Rives seems to have been able to make a living out of it... jealous and in love:

... the view from here....

... as I mentioned in my previous post, the window in my office looks out on the hallway... a highly trafficked path that leads to the office screening room and reception (depending on which way you are headed)

So, sick of being like a goldfish on display I slowly began to fill the glass with odd amusements for the passers-by to ogle instead of me... what was one picture two years ago has become this:




(the pictures are super shitty because I took them with my blackberry, not known for its camera skillz)

... i have this weird project ongoing....

... My dad has always, for as long as i can remember, with only one exception, had some type of facial hair... Mostly I remember a full beard and mustache combo... for a while, in the 90's he had a goattee instead. I think it matched his collarless shirts and John Lennon glasses better....

And there was one day, when I was about 8 that he shaved it all off, on whim. My sister and i, as was our custom, rushed up the stairs to my parents bedroom one saturday morning to find him cleanshaven. I was aghast. My sister thought that my mother was having an affair with my uncle. That's how convinced she was that the shorn version of my dad was an impostor (she was kinda dumb back then though... or six, however you want to spin it)

Anyway, facial hair has always had a presence in my life.. is what I am getting at here... Thats the main thrust of this post... that i am writing... now... here on blogger...

And a while ago i found this:




and I printed it and posted it on my office window (if i have never mentioned this before, the only window in my office looks out on... the hallway of my office... I have taken to filling it with amusing odds and ends)... I also sent it to everyone I knew with the hormonal cocktail ideal for facial hair growth (this was most guys I knew... some are still in their "peach fuzz" phase of life...) with the challenge to create and send me all the types....

This met mostly with failure. One stalwart and amazing friends sent me a few... which I promptly lost....

But then I found this and I no longer have to rely on men!!!! (yay, another way)

I will be ordering the full gamut pretty soon.

...i still think this is funny....

The International Rules of Manhood
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’ car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.

...god... i feel cheesy today....

..need to get inspired to make it through holidays with the fam?


...here's everything you could possibly need to hear....

... and speaking of disney live action....

...this definitely smells like the beginnings of a great script...

hockey diva with an ego too big for his own good crashes and burns at his own doing....

that is where the story begins.

he returns to whatever bumfuck town he came out of and learns humility and love of the game by coaching some minors, ..... oh wait, that's Mighty Ducks....


...k, he has to humble himself to compete at high levels in a sport only slightly linked to what he has done in the past... of wait, thats The Cutting Edge...

Shit, Sean Avery should have learned his lesson from the Disney films of our youth... what a dumbfuck.

... feel the rhythm... feel the rhyme....

Come on bitches, uts BOBSLED TIME!!!!


That is right, Jamaica's bobsled team is back in Canada and training for the 2010 olympics.

that means we may possibly be looking at a sequel to one of my favourite live action disney films of all time!!!!

Its just so full of pride, and drama and moments to make you cry like a little school girl... how can you not love it, and cheer for the Jamaican bobsled team, even when your heart is entrenched in Canadian nationalism?



"British Alliance Member: We must also be concerned about the potential for embarrassment.
Irv: Oh, pardon me. I didn't realize that four black guys in a bobsled could make you blush. "

... back to the blogger....

So i did the tumblr thing for about a minute, and then got mixed up in twitter for a couple seconds... but i am coming back home to you blogger... because posting random shit isn't the same without space for my stupid ass diatribes... you are all i will ever need