...bigfuckingwordoftheday....

....aberrant....




.....and yes... that is a man with legs growing from his hips, photographed with his family and a goat......

...i've never even taken psychedelics....

....i was at my mother's the other day, going through boxes of old stuff with my siblings and I came upon my fifth grade journal..... seems that i hated writing personal stuff back then... so I took to writing stories.... Either that... or I have totally blacked out the entire portion of my childhood when I was mixed up with Joplin, Hendrix, opium, acid and generally psychic messiness......

see an excerpt below:

The Way I Saved The World

This morning, as I was eating my bowl of Biskies, my favourite breakfast cereal, I noticed something strange. It was a brown object about the size of a vitamin pill,floating in my milk. at first I had missed i, because it was hidden under some of the Bisk flakes.

"what the heck!" I thought, as i picked it up with my spoon and popped it into my mouth [ed. note....what the fuck? i was popping strange pills at 9? who did i think i was... drew barrymore?] nothing happened at first, but then I started to feel funny

I started to shake. I got hot, then cold, my eyes started to become unfocused.... I saw a book. Not one of my school books, but an ancient book and it looked like it had been sitting their forever. I picked it up and turned it around and around in my hands. It looked like the cover once was very pretty, it was made of pink silk and jewels were stuck on. But now it looked like a wreck. The jewels were falling off and the cover was ripped and the whole thing looked like it was going to fall apart. But before I threw it out I opened it up and started to flip through. When I got to the center pafe a strange beam of light hit the ceiling and started to burn right through it. I slammed it shut and shoved it into my bookbag.

Just in time, because my nosy big sister Lori walked into the kitchen.

"Isn't it time for school you dweeb?" she asked [ed note... yes, we actually did use the term dweeb]

"Yeah," I said, "But i got ta' show ya' something before I go." Then I pulled out the book, opened it to the center page and beamed it at her.

"Anna! You little brat, what is that thing?!" My sister shrieked.

"It's for me to know and you not to." I said (even though I didn't fully know what it was myself.) I made little circle motions with my book and thought to myself, "I am making my sister disappear! this is great!"

After my sister was gone I went into my parents' room where they were getting dressed for work.

"Isn't it time for school schnookums?" My mother said at the exact same time my father said "shouldn't the bus be here soon baby?"

Suddenly I didn't know why I was there. I didn't want my parents to know about the book!

"Um, yeah - um, my - er - bus is, bus is, bus is downstairs... that's it. I just came up ah, came up er, to...say goodbye! yeah! to say good byw... so, uh, bye!" I saud. I got up from wwhere I was seated on the floor and briskly walked out of the room (so not to be obvious).

Right then is when I heard the noise


CHAPTER TWO [ed note. there was no notification of there being a chapter one.....]

Down here, down here you giant oaf!" I heard a tiny voice say. I whirled around on my heel and nearly knockedthe little man over.

"who...who are you?" I questioned him

"I'm the story keeper. I travel with the book" he said, nodding in the direction of the book I had dropped on the floor.

"Well, what do you want of me?" I said.

"I want you to come back with me and save my kingdom." Said the little man. Well, I was a little shooken up, but I said, "Why me?" To which he replied, "Because you believe. You believe in the fantasy, you know, Cinderella, Snow White and Pinochio."

Then I asked, "What exactly is WRONG with fairy tale land?"

"You'll see when you get there." he said.

What was going on, I didn't know. I picked up the book and the man and walked outside. I needed fresh air more than anything right then

As i walked through the doorway my stomach was churning, and my head started spinning. I closed my eyes and I felt a slight wind and when I opened my eyes again I wasn't where I was before.

I saw the most wonderful things. I saw the greenest trees with golden blossoms, and a man sitting under the tree playing a silver guitar, the petals from the tree showering over im. While I listened to the beautiful music I looked up and towering over me was a castle. There were turrets and a huge iron gate guarding the wooden doors.

"It's beautiful," I said slowly as I turned to face the story keeper (who was now about two and a half times my size)

"So," I said, "What gives? What's wrong?"

"Come with me," He said with a solemn face... and he headed off towards the castle.

The inside of the castle was more beautiful than the outside. The story keeper led me into the most beautiful rooms and hallways, laiden with jewels. As I was led into one huge chamber I almost fainted.

"LORI!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

My sister was lying in a huge bed.

"What are you doing here?' I said

"You, my darling little sister, put me here" she shrilled.

"Miss" said a well-dressed man as he stood up from his seat in the corner, "miss, we are having some problems here." He coughed then started up again. "she", nodding in the direction of the bed where my sister lay, listening and watching wide-eyed, "will not move and she has the royal highnesses crown and magic staffand she is making HORRIBLE things happen here... and her majesty is mixed up with your world."

Back at home, it seemed, my mom and dad had left for work and her majesty was all alone, slowly walking around my house.

I mean come ONNN! was I genius? I think so... that story is puking imagination... and it even has some style... I used the word "blossoms"... I was NINE, for fucks sake... I don't know... I think that I coulda' been a contender... eat that JK Rowling.... and who's the kid who made a kajillion dollars with his novel by 15... what were my parents thinking... they shoulda locked me in my room til i came out with 16 more (un) chapters....

fuck...

...bigfuckingwordoftheday....

....saccharine.....

...do you ever just wanna bust shit up?....

....Martin Klimas does.... but when he does it, it's art.....

....His new exhibition, entitled "Temporary Statues" is up at the Foley Gallery in NYC. Basically. Klimas throws stuff at the ground, and photographs it at the point of impact. Creating images of statues that will only ever exist in the moment they are created.....

It got me to thinking.... art is supposed to be representative of experience, emotion, externalizing the essence of the human drama... right?

I think that's what makes these successful... like the need to throw something, create that kind of chos.. fragments splintering off, it is sort of the externalization of what's going on with you... well, with me, I guess.... the need to break something is sort of like the explosion, the fragmentation of everything... that's what frustration is... everything going a million different ways... it'll get cleaned up, sorted out... but just for a second - brain, heart, patience - they go in a kabillion different directions.

Anyway.... enough of what i think, because whether what I just said is so much bullshit, or whether you're kinda pickin' up what I'm laying down... you have to admit, these pictures are fucking cool..... On the other hand, if you're into the whole "what others think" thing you can check out the Foley Gallery Blog... it's pretty cool... no entry on Klimas yet... but I am sure one is to come forthwith....

Klimas, a German photographer, who is succesful commercially, as well as in the arts community, does a lot of capturing "moments in time". By definition, all still photography is but a fleeting frame... but his workdraws attention to this fact... it's meaning exists purely on the surface... without any message exhibit the self-awareness of it's fragility, its uniqueness....

It kinda reminds of that Pleix video Birds:Vitalic. Its so random... and defends itself from analysis by having no meaning beyond its own image...

If you try and read into it you will become so frustrated you just may need to bust shit up.

...bigfuckingwordoftheday....

...sthenic...


............................yowza....

reminder: you gotta click the hyperlink to discover the words true essence.

...oddity for the day.....

... outside, just now....

...saw a guy eating a bright orange bell pepper, like it was an apple......

...just munching and crunching his way around that pepper as he stepped down from the steps of the streetcar and headed down into the depths of the TTC.....


...odd, no?

....k, so i'm impressed....

... this weekend I attended merge.... the grad show for the crafts and design program at Sheridan .

...it was pretty fucking amazing.... the amount of talent these guys have is way beyond what I expected it to be.... I must admit, I showed up to support a friend, who was in the show, but I came away with a long shopping list.... it's definitely one of those, "one day when I am a grown up with some disposable income" fantasy lists, but those are the best kind.... no?

And topping my list was Leslie Webb. This chick is one talented mofo.... The show was laid out so that the three pieces of each participant were scattered, and after a while you are too lazy to seek out the little white cards with the artist and piece info on it.... I mean, it was hotter than the seventh circle of hell the first time I went (complete with satanic nymph naked performance artists).... But, upon returning on a much quieter (and cooler) sunday afternoon, I found that all my favourite pieces were hers....

First on my "when I have a million dollars list" is this"

It's pretty much the coolest piece of furniture... and one day I am putting it in my awesome refurbished actual loft space (no newly built condo lofts please... i want wood and beam, old factory grime and awful plumbing.... com[plete with historic credibility and a sense of history please)... But I digress.. this hutch... which she has whimsically called Lainie (love it) has drawers and cd pulls and is both utilitarian and aesthetic (and for a girl, who, even in her wildest monetary dreams is still gonna be pretty broke, combining functionality with looking damn cool is pretty great)

Displayed directly in front of this in the gallery space at the Gladstone, where merge was held, was this really amazing rocking chair, called Linda Lou.... (i am starting to get the pattern of naming it all after chicks... I may be slow to start, but I really appreciate the quirky loveliness in it)

And the caning in the chair is totally echoed in the armoire/hutch/shelving thingy (definitely much easier and lovelier to call it Lainie, which I'm gonna) It's this little thing that just worked so great..... here are the pics of Linda Lou, so you can see for yourselves:

......awesome, no?

...I am in love with the "merging" of the old aesthetic of woven cane and the modern lines of this chair.... I am kind of a sucker for the material though... my childhood kitchen chairs were these huge rounded cane chairs. the feel and look of them recalls mountains of kraft dinner with ketchup, cereal that came with marshmallows in the box, chocolate millk, and the expectation of dessert following every meal.... how could that not work for anyone?

(ps... this entry drove me to look up my old kitchen chairs... as my mum is a designer, it is pretty safe that all my childhood furniture was designer, or designer replica... so surprise, surprise, the chair that i grew up spilling milk and juice all over is actually based on bentwood chairs originally designed by Michael Thonet, a german designer who pioneered the process of bentwood furniture.... which, coincidentally, I think is one of Leslie's biggest strengths....)

And, upon further investigation I found that this chick (we are returning to Leslie now) is not simply a one-trick pony... she didn't simply pull out her pieces worth anything and put them in the show... I think every girl I know can look forward to getting one of her kick ass tool cabinets.... totally aesthetically pleasing, and useful again.... (again, though, you ladies are gonna have to wait til I become extremely wealthy... as a side note, I am currently looking for a sugar daddy to tide me over til I make my own fortune, any one with any interesting leads is asked to leave a comment here, or simply dial the toll free number of 1.800.PAY.FO.ME)

Here's the tool cabinet:

So, keep your eye on this chick, when she gets uber-famous (as furniture designers are wont to do..... if you are avid readers of architectural digest, wallpaper, and other high-falutian periodicals) you can say 'I told you so"......