....i was at my mother's the other day, going through boxes of old stuff with my siblings and I came upon my fifth grade journal..... seems that i hated writing personal stuff back then... so I took to writing stories.... Either that... or I have totally blacked out the entire portion of my childhood when I was mixed up with Joplin, Hendrix, opium, acid and generally psychic messiness......
see an excerpt below:
The Way I Saved The World
This morning, as I was eating my bowl of Biskies, my favourite breakfast cereal, I noticed something strange. It was a brown object about the size of a vitamin pill,floating in my milk. at first I had missed i, because it was hidden under some of the Bisk flakes.
"what the heck!" I thought, as i picked it up with my spoon and popped it into my mouth [ed. note....what the fuck? i was popping strange pills at 9? who did i think i was... drew barrymore?] nothing happened at first, but then I started to feel funny
I started to shake. I got hot, then cold, my eyes started to become unfocused.... I saw a book. Not one of my school books, but an ancient book and it looked like it had been sitting their forever. I picked it up and turned it around and around in my hands. It looked like the cover once was very pretty, it was made of pink silk and jewels were stuck on. But now it looked like a wreck. The jewels were falling off and the cover was ripped and the whole thing looked like it was going to fall apart. But before I threw it out I opened it up and started to flip through. When I got to the center pafe a strange beam of light hit the ceiling and started to burn right through it. I slammed it shut and shoved it into my bookbag.
Just in time, because my nosy big sister Lori walked into the kitchen.
"Isn't it time for school you dweeb?" she asked [ed note... yes, we actually did use the term dweeb]
"Yeah," I said, "But i got ta' show ya' something before I go." Then I pulled out the book, opened it to the center page and beamed it at her.
"Anna! You little brat, what is that thing?!" My sister shrieked.
"It's for me to know and you not to." I said (even though I didn't fully know what it was myself.) I made little circle motions with my book and thought to myself, "I am making my sister disappear! this is great!"
After my sister was gone I went into my parents' room where they were getting dressed for work.
"Isn't it time for school schnookums?" My mother said at the exact same time my father said "shouldn't the bus be here soon baby?"
Suddenly I didn't know why I was there. I didn't want my parents to know about the book!
"Um, yeah - um, my - er - bus is, bus is, bus is downstairs... that's it. I just came up ah, came up er, to...say goodbye! yeah! to say good byw... so, uh, bye!" I saud. I got up from wwhere I was seated on the floor and briskly walked out of the room (so not to be obvious).
Right then is when I heard the noise
CHAPTER TWO [ed note. there was no notification of there being a chapter one.....]
Down here, down here you giant oaf!" I heard a tiny voice say. I whirled around on my heel and nearly knockedthe little man over.
"who...who are you?" I questioned him
"I'm the story keeper. I travel with the book" he said, nodding in the direction of the book I had dropped on the floor.
"Well, what do you want of me?" I said.
"I want you to come back with me and save my kingdom." Said the little man. Well, I was a little shooken up, but I said, "Why me?" To which he replied, "Because you believe. You believe in the fantasy, you know, Cinderella, Snow White and Pinochio."
Then I asked, "What exactly is WRONG with fairy tale land?"
"You'll see when you get there." he said.
What was going on, I didn't know. I picked up the book and the man and walked outside. I needed fresh air more than anything right then
As i walked through the doorway my stomach was churning, and my head started spinning. I closed my eyes and I felt a slight wind and when I opened my eyes again I wasn't where I was before.
I saw the most wonderful things. I saw the greenest trees with golden blossoms, and a man sitting under the tree playing a silver guitar, the petals from the tree showering over im. While I listened to the beautiful music I looked up and towering over me was a castle. There were turrets and a huge iron gate guarding the wooden doors.
"It's beautiful," I said slowly as I turned to face the story keeper (who was now about two and a half times my size)
"So," I said, "What gives? What's wrong?"
"Come with me," He said with a solemn face... and he headed off towards the castle.
The inside of the castle was more beautiful than the outside. The story keeper led me into the most beautiful rooms and hallways, laiden with jewels. As I was led into one huge chamber I almost fainted.
"LORI!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
My sister was lying in a huge bed.
"What are you doing here?' I said
"You, my darling little sister, put me here" she shrilled.
"Miss" said a well-dressed man as he stood up from his seat in the corner, "miss, we are having some problems here." He coughed then started up again. "she", nodding in the direction of the bed where my sister lay, listening and watching wide-eyed, "will not move and she has the royal highnesses crown and magic staffand she is making HORRIBLE things happen here... and her majesty is mixed up with your world."
Back at home, it seemed, my mom and dad had left for work and her majesty was all alone, slowly walking around my house.
I mean come ONNN! was I genius? I think so... that story is puking imagination... and it even has some style... I used the word "blossoms"... I was NINE, for fucks sake... I don't know... I think that I coulda' been a contender... eat that JK Rowling.... and who's the kid who made a kajillion dollars with his novel by 15... what were my parents thinking... they shoulda locked me in my room til i came out with 16 more (un) chapters....
fuck...
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