... the Kubler-Ross Playlist****...

y'know when music ain't just music? when you are living some cheesy teen movie in your head and your music collection becomes the soundtrack to your mini-major drama? I just had me one of those....


The very best thing to come out of it, I can now see, is the on-the-go playlists I created on my ipod. I will spare you the "10 Things I Hate About You" details and just tell you the tunes:




Denial:
Sam Cooke - You Send Me
The Kinks - Strangers
Guster - Center of Attention
Tragically Hip - Long Time Running
James Taylor - Walking Man
Smokey Robinson - Cruisin'
REM - Stand
Loggins and Messina - Same Old Wine
Ratatat - Tacobel Canon




Anger:
Tokyo Police Club - Favourite Food
Sleigh Bells - Rill Rill
The Love Language  - Heart to Tell
Menomena - Dirty Cartoons
Dashboard Confessional - The End of an Anchor
Phil Collins - That's Just the Way It Is
Vampire Weekend - White Sky
Good Old War - My Own Sinking Ship
Dispatch - Riddle




Bargaining:
Van Morrison - If I Ever Needed Someone
Good Old War - Coney Island
Good Old War - Tell Me
The Kinks - The Contenders
Samantha Crain - The River
Mos Def/DJ Dub - Respiration Remix f.Talib Kwali
The Phoenix Foundation - Buffalo
Hold Steady - The Weekenders
Florence and the Machine - Girl With One Eye
Dr Dog - Jackie Wants a Black Eye
The Gaslight Anthem - We Did It When We Were Young
The Kinks - Got To Be Free
Three Blind Wolves - Hotel




Depression:
Florence and the Machine - You've Got the Love
Lady Gaga - Again Again
Two Hours Traffice - Sure Can Start
Miike Snow - Sans Soleil
Mos Def - Kalifornia
The Beatles - Come Together
Jett Valentine - Outlaws
The Powder Keg - Mariposa




Acceptance:
Sally Seltmann - On The Borderline
Hark The Herons - New Start to Start
Matt Ponds PA - Ruins
Mos Dub - Kampala Truth Work
The Crookes - Backstreet Lovers
Otis Redding - Down in the Valley
Born Ruffians - What to Say
Florence and the Machine - Dog Days are Over
Her Space Holiday - If You Want to Sing Out
The Futureheads - Heartbeat Song
Folded Paper Figures - Invent It All Again
The Hoof and the Heel - Lets Hangout
Otis Redding - Amen




I made a youtube playlist for the whole shebang, which you can find here






**** the Kubler-Ross model is the proper name for the five stages of grief

...hug and roll....

.... if you are of a certain age you have for shizz seen this clip....

It was a not-so-elegant to the age old question "but what about me?" when it comes to sleep and your special someone....

now, I do not have this problem at the moment.... (oh that how to accomodate a guy was my problem... i have enough trouble meeting one I even want to bring home) .... but a twitter exchange with Flashpunk this morning brought the longstanding problem up... and if i am being honest... i have some thoughts on the matter....

Its not that I don't enjoy a good cuddle... I like it as much as the next girl (well, maybe not as much... but i like it just fine, thank you very much). But I reserve it for naps, rainy afternoons or the afterglow (that lasts about 30 minutes tops....)

As far as sleeping goes.... I do it alone... I am the Lone Dreamer.... you can be my Tonto... but you need your own saddle. Maybe its because I move around in my sleep.... Maybe its because on occasion I have been known to unconsciously fart in the night (and no one wants you pressed up against that).... maybe its because on vacations as a kid my sister and I had to share a bed, and that girl is a KICKER!

But whatever the reasons... I don't see why you should go to all that trouble to sleep uncomfortably... because it always is... no matter whether its spooning, the shoulder roll,  the hug'n'roll or the superman... its never as comfortable as whatever position you end up in on your own... known as the pragmatic approach at the end of this video.

I have to say love one you're with... but there is no need to invest in the Love Mattress.... no matter how cool a design idea it may be....

... i have this weird project ongoing....

... My dad has always, for as long as i can remember, with only one exception, had some type of facial hair... Mostly I remember a full beard and mustache combo... for a while, in the 90's he had a goattee instead. I think it matched his collarless shirts and John Lennon glasses better....

And there was one day, when I was about 8 that he shaved it all off, on whim. My sister and i, as was our custom, rushed up the stairs to my parents bedroom one saturday morning to find him cleanshaven. I was aghast. My sister thought that my mother was having an affair with my uncle. That's how convinced she was that the shorn version of my dad was an impostor (she was kinda dumb back then though... or six, however you want to spin it)

Anyway, facial hair has always had a presence in my life.. is what I am getting at here... Thats the main thrust of this post... that i am writing... now... here on blogger...

And a while ago i found this:




and I printed it and posted it on my office window (if i have never mentioned this before, the only window in my office looks out on... the hallway of my office... I have taken to filling it with amusing odds and ends)... I also sent it to everyone I knew with the hormonal cocktail ideal for facial hair growth (this was most guys I knew... some are still in their "peach fuzz" phase of life...) with the challenge to create and send me all the types....

This met mostly with failure. One stalwart and amazing friends sent me a few... which I promptly lost....

But then I found this and I no longer have to rely on men!!!! (yay, another way)

I will be ordering the full gamut pretty soon.

...i still think this is funny....

The International Rules of Manhood
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’ car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.

... and speaking of disney live action....

...this definitely smells like the beginnings of a great script...

hockey diva with an ego too big for his own good crashes and burns at his own doing....

that is where the story begins.

he returns to whatever bumfuck town he came out of and learns humility and love of the game by coaching some minors, ..... oh wait, that's Mighty Ducks....


...k, he has to humble himself to compete at high levels in a sport only slightly linked to what he has done in the past... of wait, thats The Cutting Edge...

Shit, Sean Avery should have learned his lesson from the Disney films of our youth... what a dumbfuck.

...boys and their joy....

.....what is it with guys and the soul patch?

It's becoming more and more prominent these days..... and on guys who, three, two years ago, would ust not have had that as the facial hair of choice.....

.... I saw a guy, prada sunglasses, white and pointy runners, ex-PEN-sive jeans..... sporting that patch like it was the skinny little guido chin strap of the new millenium.....

really, the thing collects food like nobody's business.... and is really not that fun to kiss, a girl can get used to it, but i had a boyfriend with a serious SP once, and i practically had to build up a chin callous to counteract the scratchy hairs.....

.... do you think it's supposed to act like the little swatches of hair that are on display in the dye aisle at the drugstore? So that when you are talking to some dude in a bar, you have a little sample of whats 'down the road?'

.... funny cuz it's true.....

.......Why women have two hands

Why men have two hands.........

...boys....

...I am no longer curious about them....

.... I am now quite certain.... with no degree of confusion or inquisitiveness that they are simply the MOST confusing thing..... since girls....

....Whether you have dated them, slept with them, talked to them, looked at them funny, looked at them at all, flirted with them, broken up with them, gotten an std from one, given a gift to one, told any of them the truth (god forbid), walked by one, accidently let a nipple slip infront of one, breathed on one, smelled one, let one smell you, paid one a compliment, worked for one, employ one, work with one, been in the same room as one.......

.... I have lost my thought, oh yeah, there is no understanding them, no matter what, they manage to not be thinking anything that is rational, or even understandably irrational....

.... and i no longer care..... but, this, for some reason i am not (i repeat not) interestedin, will probably make me more attractive to them....

Let me tell you an epitomical story....

.... There was once a boy, we'll call him sammy (names have been changed to protect identity, plus, I could never actually have this happen with a guy named sam, way too weird) Anyway sammy and I were friends, and one new years (when I decided that drinking two bottles of champagne through a straw was a really great idea) we ended up making out. Just kissing, standing in a room full of people. At the end of the night I went my way, he went his....

.... well, Sammy went absolutely insane. He wouldn't talk to me anymore... When we were in the same bar, he avoided me like the plague... by the by it came out through mutual friends that he was afraid that I had fallen for him, that our drunken (sloppy) new years kiss had been misconstrued by me.... and that I actually believed that there was some future for us based on this kiss.... Do guys think we all fell off the pages of Cosmo magazine?..... Anyway... That is just half the tale

.... Thinking how RIDICULOUS Sammy was being I decided I would teach him a lesson. One night, a common friends birthday, I conspired with a couple of his friends to make sure he got to the bar first.... I wanted a dramatic entrance. So they tipped me off when he was settled and surrounded (this needed an audience) and I strutted into the bar and walked right up to Sammy, and started relling off his greatest fears, right to his face, to the stunned silence of the bar around me...

"How could you?" I cried, "I thought we had something special... you really meant something to me sammy... I mean, it was real, you felt it, I know you did.... and nothing? you don't even call, I mean, I thought we could really have had something, thatwe DID have something... you disgust me Sammy, no.... don't talk, nothing you can say will make this right... you know what, I can't even look at you right now, I just can't be here"

And with that I turned on my heel and strodeout of the bar, no looking back, expecting that all my co-conspirators would fill him in on the joke.... well, they did, and guess what...

.... It worked for him!!!!!! After that there was nothing I could do to keep him away from me, he wanted to take me out, he wanted to start something up. He found out I was kidding about the whole thing, that I was so surprised by the fact he thought I wanted something with him, and was so appalled by his behaviour that I would play such a joke, and all of a sudden, I was the girl he wanted....

.... seriously, who the fuck are they? I think all boys may be martians from the planet Whatthefuck, in sector, Itmakesnosense